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PLEASE DON'T BUY MY PRODUCTS! Please believe me when I say that Bill's Basement Bargains is a big joke. Let me spell that out... J - O - K - E. This store is not for real and I am not being serious in offering any of these products. I created the product descriptions because I like to laugh and I like to make other people laugh. I laughed when I was designing this site and I never intended for anyone to take it seriously. This is just my idea of humor and if you knew me personally you would know that I don't have a cruel bone in my body. So please don't email me and please don't leave messages on my answering machine if you are upset about products in this store. Let me just answer some of the most frequently received messages... 1.) Yes, I think it is "absolutely cruel" to spray paint little baby pigs. I also agree that they are animals and not toys. Would it help if I told you that I use only the best non-toxic washable paint? All you have to do is machine wash your pig with warm water and the paint will come off. NO, NO, NO!! That was another joke! Don't put your pigs in the washing machine! I don't really sell baby pigs and I would not dream of spray painting a cute little baby pig. 2.) No, I did not torment my little kids in order to make the "Screaming Little Kids" CD's. I don't even have children of my own. I love kids and I love to make them laugh. You can't buy a CD that I don't have in-stock. And no, my wife did not agree to this CD... I am single and have never been married yet. No wife, no kids, and NO CD. 3.) No, you can't order a dog barking CD so that you can get back at your neighbor's barking dog. I don't have any CD's in-stock and I will not call you back so that you can give me your credit card information. 4.) Yes, I would think I was "really weird and need help" also if I was actually "selling dead bugs". But guess what? I'M NOT!! 5.) Yes, a jar of air would be "a rip off and a scam" especially if you bought it. If I did sell a jar of air I probably would not go to all the trouble of having different fragrances. Someone that would buy a jar of air would not know the difference. I only have one jar of air and that was the one I used for the photo and it is not for sale. 6.) Yes, mailing bird droppings is probably "dangerous and full of germs" and if you think I spend my time picking up bird poop then I think you might be dangerous and full of it too. OK, if you still want to order a product or yell at me for some product I am offering in this store... then you need to follow my instructions very carefully. Print this page out so you have a reference. Shut off your computer immediately and go get your wirecutters and I want you to cut your connection to the Internet. Sell your computer the first chance you get and use the money to buy an etch-a-sketch. You should now be safe from any of my products. ☺
Bill Holden |
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